What to delete from your emails to be taken more seriously at work

At first glance, my emails are polite and warm; after all, “I’m just checking in” on a deadline, but “no worries either way.”

However, a closer examination reveals that unnecessary apologies, smiley faces, exclamation marks, and even kisses punctuate my messages.

I believe I’m being friendly and approachable, but according to experts, these linguistic habits may be quietly undermining how seriously I’m taken at work.

Careers coach Hannah Salton and etiquette coach William Hanson explain why so many of us write like this and the impact it could be having on how we’re perceived and even promoted at work.

“Many thanks!” I’ve responded to numerous emails, and while my punctuation may seem excessive, a complete stop can come across as abrupt.

People use exclamation marks to show “positivity and enthusiasm,” says Hannah.

Women use them three times more often than men, a recent study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found.

She thinks that’s likely down to the idea that “women are often judged more harshly than men when they are direct and are called ‘bossy’ and other gendered negative words.”

And while a single exclamation mark isn’t the problem, the cumulative effect can be, warns Hannah.

“If it looks fake or like it’s covering up insecurity, it could impact credibility,” she explains.

Written communication is notoriously easy to misread, which is why many of us insert an emoji as a picture of our warmth or humour.

But etiquette coach William Hanson warns this can backfire.

“One emoji can mean different things to different people or something entirely unintended,” he says.

“It would be better if people used words and a good command of English,” he advises.

Emojis can have an “infantile connotation,” which could lead people to perceive you as younger, less senior, less capable, or less responsible, he says.

“I would not put an emoji in an email,” he says. “You can be friendly in your writing and remain professional at the same time.”

And when it comes to signing off with a kiss, he says, “I would never put a kiss on the end of an email unless I kissed them on the cheek in real life.”

“Are you following me, and does this all make sense?”

Emails containing reassurance checkers can be self-deprecating, Hannah says, adding that over time, that tone can subtly shape how someone is perceived.

“As a manager, it’s a difficult balance between being liked and respected; if you’re not direct, there’s a risk of creating the impression of being less capable,” she says.

“There are definitely times where communicating in an overly apologetic or overly measured way can make you come across as less impactful.”

“A lot of it is unconscious,” Hannah says. “No one reads an email and thinks, ‘Oh, they don’t back themselves’; it’s more subtle than that.

“But if you’re consistently communicating in a people-pleasing way, that can build up an impression of someone who doesn’t back themselves or who is potentially less competent.”

Here are some of the things you might want to consider losing in order to appear more professional, our experts suggest:

• Qualifying words such as “just” (“just checking,” “just wondering”).
• Pre-emptive apologies like “sorry to bother you” or “I’m sure you’re really busy, but…”
• Reassurance checkers such as “does that make sense?”, “hope that’s ok” or “no worries either way”
• Exclamation marks
• Emojis
• Kisses or overly warm sign-offs

Hannah and William stress it’s not about stripping all warmth or personality from professional communication.

“Personal style is important,” Hannah says. “Showcasing personality at work is not a bad thing. You don’t want to feel like you have to filter everything you write and remove any personality from it.”

But at the same time you shouldn’t use certain words and symbols “as a tool to be liked”.

A practical way to spot and reduce these habits without losing personality is to pay attention to the emails you receive and notice how different styles make you feel – what sounds clear, confident or reassuring, and what feels excessive, she says.

Salton says AI tools can also be useful for reviewing drafts and removing excess filler or qualifier words.